Reinventing Natasha

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Day 617:Dreams

I have this weird dream from time to time about a house.  Against my better judgement I buy it because the actual bones of the place are amazing and I see the potential to do so much with it.  The people who live there clearly are second generation homeowners as the house is crammed full of beautiful old antiques and a insane mixture of belongings ranging from youth to adulthood.

The oddest part of the house is on the lower level where there are 6 bedrooms each equipped with a medical bathroom. Apparently this area was designed to accommodate the first generations families children who had various medical complications in their lives.  This area of the house made me uncomfortable but I saw the potential again to create a B&B idea as the house was a walkout style basement.

Anyway I bought the house, it was a good price and although I was concerned about the time it would take to make it perfect I felt it a good challenge for me.  On the day I took ownership I realized that I had my work cut out for me.  Some of the personal effects had been removed but for the better part the house remained as was, heavily cluttered with years of belongings.  There was a beautiful antique roll top desk bursting with papers and bills (I always wanted a desk like that) and it was the first thing I tidied up.

I began to worry about what I had done buying this house. About the undertaking of this job. I sat by the kidney-shaped concrete pool (we don’t have concrete pools in Canada though) and looked at the leaves floating on the water. I wondered if the pool was the only thing that was really in functioning order.

Now remember that I have had this dream many times so this is a piecing together of many dreams into one tale.

Last night I was busy taking control of a massive room on the lower level.  It was about 15 feet wide and at least 60 feet long.  It ran the entire length of the back of the house with some windows and several doors opening into the backyard. It was full of everything.  I am sure I saw at least 15 bikes, skis, snowshoes, more and more clothes in boxes, it was overwhelming to say the least.  I had 3 boys (well older teens anyway) who were helping me haul stuff outside onto a patio area. I know that’s what we did but I don’t recall actually seeing the space cleared out.  I decided this was going to be a library type hallway with some chairs and what not throughout it.

I remember going into the area with the medical bedrooms to get some books, there was a room off one bedroom full of children’s books and I thought to start a pile in one corner of my project room of all the books I could find in the house. I ended up getting the boys to do it as I just couldn’t feel comfortable in that area of the house. Those rooms make me feel very sick to my stomach.

I’m sure that there’s a lot of self exploration in this repeated dream of mine. Me, the girl who finds such happiness in the simple pleasures of design is likely processing a lifetime of demons behind that subconscious storyline.

Either way I was awake by 7am and unable to get back to sleep. I decided to write it down for once. MAybe my brain can do more with it visiting it again in the conscious word.

Part of me really hopes that one day I dream about that house being completed. I think that is really important.

Aug 8

I’m not dead

I have not died. I have just been dealing with some not for blog related issues and writing without talking about them is a tricky thing.
I’m alive, I’m running 3 times a week totalling my 12km a week, I’m actually losing weight and am now in the 186 lb area. Not supermodel status by far but ill take it thanks.
I’m soon to leave for vacation on beautiful georgian bay at killbear park.
My goals are as follows:
1. Not be eaten by a bear
2. Not be eaten by a snake
3. Not make any rash life decisions
4. Make it a good family vacation
5. Learn how to work paddles and overcome fear of boats
6. Have a good time
7. Run and not gain weight.

Aug 2

Day 605:That works

Weight doesnt just fall off your body.  I mean its a real mass of fat right? I ask because my scale keeps offering up better and better numbers everyday and I fear that it cant possible be true!   That said I will post my morning weight here just because its so nice to say, guess what? Today I weigh 187 lbs on the dot.

It feels much better than that 255lbs I can tell you that!

Day 601: Look who is up!

I am madly impressed with myself today. I have no reason to be up yet as I have no kids till later but yet I still got up early. Not my usual take on a morning off that’s for sure.

Not much new to report since I last wrote.

Last night I got to see a friend who relocated to a new school. Still lives in the same spot but her going back to work and her kids switching schools makes our time together a lot less.

It was great to see her, and even greater to listne to her perception on me.  Its been about 2 months since we have seen eachother but she said she could see noticable changes to my figure and even more to my attitude.  Who would have thought my life could turn around so much?

Day 600: Summer Days

I love summer. I love the sun on my skin and the sweat on my brow. I love that my white legs turn a brownish shade (well for me anyway) and I love the sound of water splashing around. Simply put I love every element of summertime.

I think that weight loss clearly connects to mood too because now that summer is really here in full swing the scale appears to be working in my favor.  The last 2 days it has blessed me with a 191 lbs when getting up and a  193.2 lb area at bedtime. More reasons to smile in my books.

Life remains fast paced with the kids. I am always on the go to the pond to feed the ducks, the creek to look for frogs and fish or on a chair poolside listening to tunes in one ear while telling the kids what they shouldnt be doing.

I’m in a pretty good place with myself right now. I’m to a point that I’m no longer stressing myself out if it’s too hot to run, or if I can’t get my house perfectly clean.  I’m just happy with myself and it feels really good.

I think that I am a pretty positive person in general since I decided to fix myself up.  I am surprised that the sunshine has added to it. I was so negative at one point in literally consumed me.

So all in all? 600 days of me and im going strong, living my life and learning day by day.

Somehow when I wasn’t looking I lost 4lbs. I hope this is a trend! Total lost? 63.5lbs
Yay me!

Day 592:Gym

I am fully committed to going to the gym tonight. I didnt run again last night as I have a weird twang in my thigh. I decided that I should listen to my body and wait that one out. If it feels good tonight I will do an hour on the treadmill then my 30 minute workout. Either way I will be at the gym.
Food yesterday went pretty well. The only really bad thing I ate was a jumbo freezie but since it is hot as hell I think I will live.
Also found out that the hole in my tooth is just a chip so I can stop thinking about root canals and stressing about how I would pay for one without benefits. Finally a perk from a family members line of employment!
Thats all I got for you. Sometimes I am pretty boring. More so since I stopped drinking

Day 591: On the wagon

Its a new week and I have committed to being a good girl in the kitchen this week. I have been maintaining a consistent weight the past little while and I truly believe that if anything I am in starvation mode. When I am being good I am eating 6 small high protein meals a day. When I am bad I am eating maybe 3 meals a day.
Anyway I am back on the wagon with my egg whites, protein muffins and chicken. I need to really kick things up a notch if I want to ever reach that goal I made.
Other than that it is hotter than hell here and I am loving it. I am the Queen Bee of summer and will soak up every minute of it!

Day 590: Shameful

It was a shameful weekend of sin.
I didn’t go to the gym at all.
I ate out several times
I watched 13 hours of Breaking Bad (thats the full first season and half of the second season)
I spent plenty of quality time with my pool and also my husband.
Not going to sweat it though.
Its Monday.

Day 589: Nothing

When I say nothing I mean the only productive things I did where grocery shop and breath.
I spent 3 hours floating around the pool drinking wine and singing top 40 hits off the radio.